Again, another task that is quite hard for me to go on and complete. Being asked to look at the idea of relationships is quite hard for someone that isn’t at home due to the fact that home is where we have the closest relationships. For some, it is made easier due maybe having partners they can look at or having family close by, but for me, I have none of that available to me at all.
But what relationships do I have that someone may not think about at all? Could it be of one with friends, or with the environment we live in, or the place that we work at? To me, all of that could be applicable, but it has been done time after time to the point that those types of pictures become cliché. I wanted to explore a relationship that really isn’t given a ‘title’ and is unique to each individual person.
And what I came up with is an adaption of my preparation task work done before picbod, which was to explore the side of me that no one else sees. This relationship isn’t about identity, but is more based on my emotional side.
We all have good and bad days, yet we never tend to speak about the really bad days we have. That is the hide of me that I wanted to hide away from my friends, because I am afraid of them judging me differently. This is the side of me that I hide away from my social and family because I don’t want this side to come out; the emotions I feel are for me and me only. Those emotions cause me to have a different relationship with my body that people would never actually think about. There are times where we aren’t ourselves, and we do things that we normally wouldn’t do.
So for my relationship work, I wanted to explore this within my images. I had been going through one of those “bad days” during that time, so it was perfect for me to actually begin to explore it. I took some inspiration from Joshua Lutz’s work in Hesitating Beauty, which explored how he lost his mum from depression and schizophrenia. The one image that really struck out to me was when the subject was staring out of a window. It’s hard to explain, but there was something in the shot that I related to in some unknown way. I think it was down to how I act and go somber and reflect on things, that image held the same idea to me.
With my final images, I never wanted the work to fully say what was gong on, as then it takes away that personal element completely. Rather, I still wanted that intimate element coming through in how I try to hide it away from people, but still allowing them to try and decipher what was going on in a much more subtle way.
To me as an individual, I was pleased with how the images came out in the end. I felt like they represented the way I was feeling correctly. However I feel like there is a much bigger area of this to investigate into. I am just one person that does certain things on these bad days. What do others do on those days, and how contrasting are they?
I personally liked the one with my reflection in the mirror because like Lutz’s work, there was something in it that seemed peaceful to me, yet didn’t push the main issue into your face. It kept everything on a subtle note which is what I intended.