Well here we are then, about to head off to university! It’s a new challenge in my life, one that I am certainly looking forward to. But I can’t shake off the nerves that are kicking in as well. Leaving home to be on my own… it’s quite a daunting aspect. It’s not like a school trip where you would go away for a couple of days then come back. No, this is the real thing now and I’m “leaving the nest”. Not having my parents there all the time is going to be challenging, but I’m sure I’lll find a way around that.
I think what also doesn’t help is that I’m the only person from my group of friends going to Coventry, with none of them nearby as well. So the fact there will be no one I really know is scary as well. It is an opportunity to start anew I guess, but trying to talk and make new friends is going to hard. But then again, everyone will be in the same boat I guess? I won’t be on my own in that aspect, so it does make things a little bit easier I guess.
And finally… well I’m scared as to whether my work is good enough I suppose. Will it be up to the standard of everyone else doing photography? I know it’s silly, but I can’t shake off the feeling at all, especially with this summer project. I look at the ideas I’ve gone with, and I just worry if my work is too simple, boring, or just not right! I just worry that I’m going to be the worse one there… But then again, I got into the course didn’t I? So I must be good enough then? So I think it’s a confidence factor here, so I need to try and get more confident with my own work!
Ok, let’s move away from the negative stuff shall we! I’ve looked at what the course involves for the next year, and what I really am excited for. Hopefully it will be different from the usual A-level requirement, with the usual “here’s your theme. Follow this or else.”
I mean, I guess there will be times where I will have to do it, but this time I feel it’s going to be more on what I, the photographer, wants to do. And that’s what really excites me. As it can be on what I feel comfortable with, rather than having to try so many different things just to show development and progres to get some silly marks that might not even put anything towards my final peice at all! Don’t get me wrong, development is good and very useful, but when you are pushed in every lesson to do some different, rather than sticking to something which you know has worked well and find enjoyable, it can be kind of annoying not being able to focus on that.
Another thing I am looking forward to is finding what my “niche” area is going to be. Forensic photogrpahy is my ideal path if possible, but I know it’s going to be hard to get into something like that. But if you don’t try then you won’t ever know I guess? I remember at my interview with Paul that I mentioned this, with his work of the broken up bullets and flesh comes to mind, so perhaps it doesn’t have to direct forensics possibly, but something involving both fields possibly? It’s hard to get a sense of what career I really want to do at the minute, simply becuase I enjoy everthing too much! Any time something new comes up, I’m like a kid in a candy shop, wanting to try as much as possible with it. So before I make any rash decisions, I need to thinks things slowly, and discus everything with the teachers on what I might want to do, as at the end of the day thet have tons more experience then I do!
Writing this letter has actually been quite helpful in getting all off this off my chest; it’s actually made me relax somewhat before I go in a weel’s time! Rather I feel more thrilled about being able to go now. This is an opportunity in a lifetime really; there’s no point in worrying about things at all for the time being. No, I need to look at all the good things that are heading my way, and I need to grasp it by the head and make the most out of everything, as I don’t want to look back and regret at not doing something at all!
So what am I hoping to achieve by the time I come back to this letter? Well, here are my hopes:
1) Let’s get into the second year! It might sound silly, but it’s always a possibility! I know I need to have a laugh, but I want to push myself with all my work. I want to make sure that I don’t slack off, and produce the best photo’s that I am capable of doing! As long as I can say “I tried my hardest with that, and I’m proud of it” then I’ll be over the moon.
2) More of a personal aspect here: Try and make some new friends! Seeing as I’m going to be in the deep end when I start, I want to make a good group of friends who I know I can hang out with and just be myself for the rest of my uni life. If Ican manage to make that happen, then I’ll be happy!
3) Enjoy myself! I don’t want to be waking up dreading the day, so I want to do things I know that I will enjoy. So this means taking part in different lessons, going out with people, playing the sports I love. If I can have a varied lifestyle in which I will be doing all sorts of things, then I know that I will have a blast!
Well I’m nearing the end on this letter, so I’ll begin to finish off here. I’m going to be nervous. It’s natural. I’ve just come out of Sixth form, and going into Uni where everything is going to be different. But in a good difference though! But I need to make sure I build up my confidence quickly, not only in speaking to people, but also with my work, as I know sometimes I can be quite negative with my own work quite badly. I know if I get this confidence up and running, then everything will flow smoothly from there onwards. If there’s any advice I can give myself now, it’s take some pride in everything I do! I want to be proud of myself at the end of the day, being able to do whatever I want to do, knowing that it will be the best that I can give.
I’m going to follow with that, so hopefully it will prove right!
Speak soon (more like in May!),